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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?