Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, Iām picking your pockets.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.