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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.