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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
More people should be at a loss for words.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.