Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell