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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.