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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.