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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Word for the day is asstard
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.