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I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.