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Exercise? More like extra fries.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....