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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Hash browns not tags.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...