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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.