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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.