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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...