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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.