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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."