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The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out