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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?