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I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.