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My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
i only drink on days that end with y
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.