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I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.