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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.