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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?