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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.