Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.