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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?