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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode