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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.