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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.