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I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.