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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist