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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.