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Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.