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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.