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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
i like boobs
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.