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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.