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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....