Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.