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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.