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I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
I like it like that
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.