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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.