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I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss