Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.