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Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
Save time. See it my way.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.