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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.