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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.