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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.