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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
word of the day: nincomtard
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today