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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.