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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!