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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!