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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.