Daily Silly Status

I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.

I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go

I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.

I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.

Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.

Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.

I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?

Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.

Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.

DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.

For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid

I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.

I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.

once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.

If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.